Walk the Journey*

“When life gives you lemon, make lemonade”

Relapse. Something that I’m struggling with. Today, yesterday and the other day, relapse knock me off again. If this happens I’m out of spirit to go to work. I feel drain to drag myself to work and to do anything. Stuck in the house, in bed, under the blanket. Soo gloomy feeling surrounding me. The feeling that is hard to describe. Only those who experience depression is able to feel it. Why can’t I departed with the blanket? Dark room stays like that even though, the night long gone. The sun is shining bright outside. 

Conversing with myself. Shucks! The effective strategy dealing with my relapse has past due! Is void for now. Again, I have to look for alternative strategies to deal with it. See, it is not that you don’t realize when you experienced shut-down. Perhaps this is just a minor shutdown. Praying so hard. 

Walk the journey. One thing that I want to do now enduring this short relapse is W.R.I.T.E! Yes, write. Write my brain out. Write my heart out. Write my frustration down. Write what’s bottled in me for the past months. 

Writing. At home. On this small varnished wooden dinner table. Ceiling fan is making noise. Unbelievably, delightful chirping of birds outside the sliding door add on to the squeaking fan. These are clutters of disturbance. Nevertheless, I’m not disturbed by them. Possessed in the desire to be heard. I’m tapping the keyboard a way, letting what ever cross my mind building the words, sentences and paragraphs expressing my thoughts, feelings and despair. I’m trying to practice positive thoughts in walking this journey. I love this one phrase “When life gives you lemon, make lemonade”. My encounter with this phrase in the most unexpected spot, the cheap grocery bag. This phrase moves my heart, and find its way naturally into my soul.

What am I doing actually through this writing? Attempting writing like a pro. Ghezz. Sometimes I feel like, ‘How the hell good writers put together words to create unforgettable sentences that trigger goosebumps and awe in you? Why can’t I write the same? What sorts of talents they have? Is it possible I develop the talents too? How do you create develop your talent to become a prolific writer. I love this word – prolific writer. Perhaps walking this journey, I’m able to transform my escapism to depression relapse into endless experiments to develop my talent as prolific writer? Why NOT since a wise man will react the same to life challenge ‘ When life gives you lemon, make lemonade? ‘

How do you develop your talent in writing? 


*This is a message to myself. I know it’s funny. But it is essential for me to beat relapse, thus, progress. 

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